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 Profiles in Confusion Portal

Comic Archive: These strips, arranged by academic year as they appeared in the Indiana Daily Student, are among my favorites. In all my creature endeavors, I think it is here, in these pages, where I achieved a small measure of originality by crossbreeding Basil Wolverton, James Thurber, and e.e. cummings.

 

PROFILES IN CONFUSION, VOL 4

Caveman Profile Evolution dictates that you should walk upright. Evolution dictates that you should walk straight into my arms, you crazy, beautiful woman. What we have together is not an aberration of Natural Selection. It’s golden, Samantha. We’re golden.

 

PROFILES IN CONFUSION, VOL 3

Gumby Profile Mercy, woman! We’re gonna get your Botox on and shake it on down! Mercy on a world with such funk in it! Mercy!

 

PROFILES IN CONFUSION, VOL 2

Key Master Profile Wha’cha doin’ walkin’ ‘round wid all dem keys for? You ain’t got no job. Why you got all dem keys for if you ain’t got no job? You ain’t up ta nuttin’ but no good wid dem keys! You all actin’ like Mr. Big Shot wid dem keys! Like you a Key Master or som’um!

 

PROFILES IN CONFUSION, VOL 1

Pistol Nut What happened to the dinosaurs? Why haven’t we built a time machine to solve this riddle yet? Who's in charge of this dog and pony show, anyway? What bonehead is dropping the ball here? This burns me up! I’m not waving this gun around because it matches the color of the veins in my neck! I want some damn answers!

 

PROFILES IN CONFUSION, BEST OF THE REST

Student Profile I want to learn to fly an airplane, but not how to land. No landing—just taking off. Is there some school where I can do that? Someplace where I don’t have to pay out-of-state tuition? I can drive there, but I only know how to drive a car and not stop it. I went to school for that last year.

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